Day 1 : Wrenching heart
Little did I know in my wildest dream that my early morning fever will turn out to be due to Covid positive infection. As part of my routine, I woke up for work however, I did not feel well with bodyache,headache and fever. I popped in paracetamol, benadryl,cetirizine , sent early whatsapp message to my colleague and secretary, crawled under comforter and dozed off again.After visiting the clinic and obtained medications and medical certificate, I did saliva test and to my horror,the appearance of 2 lines made me turned in disbelief. I repeated again. How is this even possible? I alerted my mother and the moment mom was reaching for face mask, my little boy tried to run towards me knowingly that I would not be able to cuddle him for the next few days. It shattered my heart. My little girl was brave and i heard her telling, “ Amma is not well” and she obediently wore her mask. I must say i felt proud of her more today than any time before.
It’s cruel when you are tested positive. You can’t behave normal,atleast for me.I was still in denial and went to do rtk nasal swab. It turned out to be positive.The moment i return home, the kids were fast asleep.My mother was waiting for me patiently. I infomed my better half.I am sure it took him back,knowing how i escaped for the past 2 years ever since the pandemic started.I quickly took my belongings and moved to the vacant room in my house. It breaks me when my little boy kep on asking. “ where is amma?” He is well aware my car is parked outside the house but he couldn’t see me. My little daughter knows I am hiding in the room. Staying in between the 4 walls,i could hear my little darling daughter singing “ Damodarastakam” on behalf of me. Today is the last day of 1 month of lighting lamp for Little Damodara. On and off I could hear my little boy asking , “ where is amma”? My mother ever ready to serve me with nutritious foods and doing the all necessities for me to recover well. Thank you, Amma. Though we have so much in difference, your love knows no boundaries. I am forever in debt to you. You are always selfless in taking care of me and your grandchildrens.
When night falls,it’s a common practice when we would video call when I am oncall. My little boy was told that i was oncall today. It takes courage to video call when I know tears will be rolling down from cheeks. It wasn’t a happy atmosphere.My little started weeping “ i want you” and my little girl turned away and was caught rubbing her eyes. Needless to say,I have started tearing. I had to console them that I am not well and wouldn’t want to infect them.I wish this quarantine period will slip away fast. I knew how much i have influenced my little ones lives upon seeing their wantings of me. I love you both with all my heart, darlings. To my better half,you have been my pillar of strength.What would i do if you were not around?Love you darling and you are just one of a kind that will always have my heart only for you.
Quarantining myself in a locked room made me realise the importance of human connectivity. Human needs a company to survive. That is ultimate truth. After all,love is the only thing you will ever need.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day and I am looking forward to my last day of quarantine.
